When isolation is preferred to communication.
People stay isolated not because they want to, but because they don't have the words otherwise.
Why would isolated people seem to make decisions that keep them in isolation?
To save space, let’s imagine this paragraph is all the usual introvert stuff so we can establish those common reasons and move on. [Introvert clause here.] We can also put mental health, illness, geographic location, and some other valid reasons on the table as worth discussing, but not on today’s menu.
Today, we’re talking about talking.
I’ve started avoiding people for several reasons.
For starters, I’m afraid they’re going to ask me to do something for free. My new motto, when I’m grumpy, is “if I’m not going to get paid money for work, I’m going to go broke doing my own work at least.”
Second, the “establishing questions” are burdensome. What are you doing these days? What is your relationship status? Do you have kids? What are they doing? What is your job? How’s work going? Where do you live?
It seems like a decent set of starter questions if I were a census taker. These questions are based on the logical assumption that most people have a typical life with the same benchmarks as others. But some of us don’t, and meeting new people is a constant reminder of failure to launch. Even those who have met the expected norms still have real pain points tucked into those questions.
“Well Tina, my oldest child is in prison and I lost my job last week and our family home was destroyed by a fireball. You?”
Work, family, relationships—if there were ever going to be problems or awkward silences that force us to say “everything is fine” to avoid mentioning them, they would be found there.
Which brings me to a few weeks ago.